Saturday 8 January 2011, 3:15 pm
My last interview with Trent marked an end to the year 2010. When most would spend holidays with loved ones, for Trent all days are ordinary. The last few conversations lead me to believe there are several aspects unknown, but mostly unknown to him.
He holds a deep yearning to connect, one he conceals and seldom allows others in. The manner in which he describes Josephine leads me to believe that a person who holds a natural loving kindness would cause movement in Trent. Although, it is something unbeknownst to him.
He deeply guards the memory of Josephine’s fingers on the soft keys, his security and also his hideaway. It is his own fingers on the soft keys that he uses as an expression of his private and intimate side. And so, today I explore the places he hides.
As I walk along the coastline, the breeze sweeps through as if giving way to the Willow’s gesture. It is uncertain if the Willow rustles in the wind or if it moves with the wind…is this what Trent meant by the last poem he shared: Will he ever seek to be ready for such a connection? This was a question not explicitly spoken but repeatedly found in what he has shared.
I walk toward the entryway to the Willow’s Rest, I notice Trent is already there.
Sitting beneath the Willow with his habitual serious expression. Bypassing the entrance, I walk over to where he sits.
He looks up at me, and as is customary with him, without a greeting.
And so, I speak.
I have drinks.
I ordered a drink…and a drink for a creature of change.
And what does such a drink look like?
One never truly knows.
[It is the return of Trent’s humor.]
So, what is on the agenda for today?
[He no longer places an emphasis on the word agenda.]
There seems to be a theme to this piece and the rest you have shared.
What do you believe are some of the similarities in the poems you have shared?
…Actively choosing to be alone…and continuously yearning for more. There are memories of the past that I have not let go…I let them prevent me from following through with what I want.
What is it you want?
Perhaps, what I want was not the best phrase to use. Who I want, it is what I meant.
Who do you want?
Well, so, since the last interview, I encountered someone new.
You allowed yourself to meet someone?
I did, yes.
What separates this person from all the rest?
In one of the first interviews we talked about how different forms of art can move a person…the sound of her five-string serenade…it pulled me right in…tugging at something inside…later I learned the song she played she’d written for her little sister. She has an inherent loving kindness about her.
It was, yes. There was a calmness in meeting her…
There came the anxiety of what it meant to have her in my life.
And what does it mean to allow her into your life?
In one word?
It was this singular word that would lead to the core of everything Trent believes he is not. This new person reminding him of his biological ties, was not in his vision a favorable impression.